“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” Carl Jung
I am a mind-body-spirit kind of thinker. More than just a philosophy, I know through personal experience and the sacred work done by and with my clients, that the mind-body-spirit connection is a truth. If you have read my book, Moment to Moment, you will recognize this quote with which I begin the book: “Everything is related to everything else, and don’t you ever forget it.” (unending thanks to Dr. Charles Brewer of Furman University for this Capital-T truth.) Mind-body-spirit all related. I would add my own fourth element to this connection: relationships. Mind-body-spirit-relationships all connected.
The beginning of a new year is a great time to do a little assessment of the status of our mind-body-spirit-relationships. You may find, as I almost always do, that I am in need of a little, or some years a lot, detoxing.
Ten years ago the word detox was mostly used in the substance abuse field. People would go to rehab to “detox” the poison (drugs and alcohol) from their bodies, Today the word is widely used in the nutrition field, as in The 10-day Detox Diet, a book by Dr. Mark Hyman with a complete plan to detox your body from sugar, yeast, caffeine, alcohol and other toxins. There are as many ways to do a nutrition detox as there are diets out there. And if beginning 2016 with a nutritional detox is something you think might help you, by all means do it. Most of us have indulged in excesses for the past six weeks and a nutritional detox might just be in order.
But here’s the thing. Because everything is related to everything else, I don’t think you can just do a nutritional (body) detox and really receive any lasting benefit unless that detox leads you to detoxing the other parts of that connection. Mind-spirit-relationships.
My mind has gotten a little detoxed over the past week because I have been less engaged with social media specifically and the internet in general. I haven’t had to sort through all of the negativity, fear, anxiety, and general ridiculousness that invades the internet. My mind hasn’t been filled with too much for too long about too much. Instead I have read several well-written, deeply poignant books, read poetry, and sat and stared at my Christmas tree, wondering about the meanings of hope and love and reverence. My mind, today, feels a bit detoxed.
And what about a spirit/soul detox? I heard Walter Brueggemann, old testament scholar and author, speak at a retreat recently about our desperate need for Sabbath. Sabbath is the only way to allow for the integration of the too-muchness of our society. Sabbath opens us to our own creativity and allows spirit, in whatever way you perceive that, to work it’s magic. Sabbath is the gift of complete rest. It is the gift of knowing that our productivity is not what defines us. It is the gift of remembering, on a deep level, who we are.
About five years ago I took myself on a two-week Sabbath. Silence. Unplugged. For me it was life changing. And I am ready to do it again! But week to week, month to month, I sure need to remember my own need for soul detox and to give myself time and a way to do that. When I am tempted to believe the myths our culture teaches, that I am my productivity, that I need more stuff, that my beauty defines me, that my privilege is because I have worked harder than others, then I need a soul detox. Do you need one, too? What is eating away at your soul? What pollutants are in there that shouldn’t be? What wounds haven’t been healed? What stressors need to be eliminated? Let these be your questions for a few months.
When I am tempted to believe the myths our culture teaches, that I am my productivity, that I need more stuff, that my beauty defines me, that my privilege is because I have worked harder than others, then I need a soul detox.
Do your relationships need detoxing? Perhaps your relationships need to heal from negative emotions. Are you carrying too much anger? Fear? Hatred? Unforgiveness? Are you the recipient of shaming, blaming, and judging? These emotions can be as poisonous to your relationships as too much tobacco, alcohol, or pain pills can be to your body. A relationship detox doesn’t mean you ditch the relationship. At least not necessarily. First, it means you look at yourself, at your part in the negativity. It means that you talk with your partner or friend or parent or child about wanting the relationship to feel less toxic and about owning your part in that negativity. And then it means doing the hard work of trying to work through whatever issues, conscious and unconscious, are feeding the toxicity. Relationship detoxes can be very transformative. Uncomfortable, but helpful.
I want to encourage you to practice detoxing. But you know what? So many people fail at detoxing because as soon as things get uncomfortable, they quit. Day three of a nutritional detox is almost always the hardest. The body says, “I am hurting. My cravings are too powerful to resist. Just eat that doughnut and have that glass of wine and everything will be ok again.” And most of us listen to that and say, “I just can’t do it. I am not strong enough. I don’t want to feel this uncomfortable again.” We perceive the pain as negative.
So many people fail at detoxing because as soon as things get uncomfortable, they quit. Click To Tweet
Here’s the truth. When you hit the place where your body, mind, spirit, or relationships are uncomfortable, that is where the transformation begins. We have to change our perception of the pain, of the discomfort. The discomfort is good. It is the doorway to transformation. My daughter was sharing with me that a fitness instructor had commented on how we can train our brains to crave that place of deep discomfort because we know that that is where the magic happens. Crave it rather than being afraid of it. And you do this by going right through all that discomfort rather than avoiding it. Yes, yes, yes. This is true in meditation and contemplative prayer. People quit just when the transformation could begin. They quit because it gets uncomfortable. True in relationships. If it is too uncomfortable, just quit. Give up on the intimacy, the vulnerability, the transparency, the struggle.
When you hit the place where your body, mind, spirit, or relationships are uncomfortable, that is where the transformation begins.
So this is how I define a Capital T Truth. A truth that is true across the board. Any detox is going to leave you uncomfortable. Perhaps to the point of pain. Can you see that discomfort as a doorway to transformation? Can you train your brain to crave that place? To know, as you are either really or metaphorically pedaling up that hill with your muscles burning and your heart beating so fast you think your chest is going to explode, that right on the other side of that discomfort, things will truly be different?
Life is Messy, Friends. Start 2016 with a commitment to detox your mind-body-spirit-and relationships.
Amy
Hi Amy, thanks for the reminder. Yes, this is exactly where we were talking the other day. Thanks for the time and shared insights!