Happy Independence Day!
And what a glorious day it is. I (Amy) cried in church yesterday singing America the Beautiful. The tune and the words just get me every time. This year I was especially emotional as I thought about the fact that it could very possibly be my dad’s last July 4th. Today we celebrate our independence from England, the signing of the Declaration of Independence, and this fantastic country in which we live.
Achieving independence is an important task. Even on a personal level, it is something to be celebrated. It is the proving ground, the posture we take when we are defining ourselves. It is the task we undertake to figure out what we believe, what we stand for, what we stand against, who we are and who we are not. Independence is a necessary step we take as individuals, usually beginning in adolescence. It is also a necessary step we take as institutions, communities, and countries.
But independence is not the final step in the developmental process. Interdependence follows. When we know who we are and what we stand for, when we are clearly defined, then we can join with another or others. We can live together and work together to achieve goals. It is a delicate balance of collaboration. Some people equate independence with freedom, but they are not the same as our freedoms cannot supplant the freedoms of others. Thus a cooperative dance is required with those who live in community. When we live and work together, we must take the risk to be dependent on others and allow them to be dependent on us.
And yet, we Westerners hate dependency. The state of being reliant on another sends chills up our collective spine. We scoff at being needy. We don’t want to appear weak. We don’t want to need anything or anyone. Would you cringe if you heard the phrase, “She’s so dependent?” I would. Or perhaps, worse yet, “He’s so dependent.” My (Amy’s) father proudly states that he lives independently because the thought of being dependent is so abhorrent to him. Even though he has help from his companion who keeps him company and cooks for him, assistance from a daughter who goes over many times a week to deliver meals and bandage wounds, and a neighbor who takes out his trash and checks on him, the worst thing in the world for him is the thought of being dependent. He is not alone.
In fact, we are rarely truly alone but live together interdependently. Interdependence is a fluid state necessitating both dependence and independence. The dependency is an “I need you, you need me” kind of agreement; however, at any time, all parties can reclaim their independence if that’s what is necessary. So you lose your independence, as much as you are willing or can stand, but you can reclaim it again, if it all gets too uncomfortable.
We are rarely truly alone but live together interdependently. Interdependence is a fluid state necessitating both dependence and independence.
Why is this even important? Why do we need to know the difference between dependence, independence, and interdependence? The nuances of these concepts are indeed relevant. Ideally, we are able to function in all three categories by the time we are in our twenties. But this doesn’t seem to be happening. Many children stay dependent for too long while pretending they are independent. Too many couples function as independent parties and are completely afraid of the interdependence needed to be married. That two shall become one is a statement of interdependence, not dependence, but it brings fear, nonetheless.
Interdependence is far greater than just a personal issue. The cliché, “We live in a global society” speaks to the interdependence that is no longer an option in our world but rather a necessity. And yet, fear can compel leaders and followers alike to retreat to a more independent state. But creating a political or philosophical position of isolation is not helpful. After all, it is 2016 and there are college degrees in international business and global supply chain. The internet has effectively placed the world at our fingertips. Like it or not, we are interdependent.
So what does it take to live flexibly between dependence and independence? On a personal level, interdependence requires more work, more maturity, and more wisdom than either of the polar states of being. It requires awareness. We must resist our knee-jerk reactions to retreat and isolate. Interdependence requires compassion, cooperation, and responsible communication. As a country, our interdependent place in the global economy requires that we have thoughtful leaders who practice these skills.
Interdependence requires compassion, cooperation, and responsible communication. –LiM2 Click To Tweet
So on this 4th of July, celebrate our country’s inaugural Declaration of Independence. And in your messy life, embrace and celebrate your Interdependence. But Know the Difference between Dependence, Independence, and Interdependence because, after all, Life is Messy and Life is Marvelous.
Amy & Rhea